Thoughts from a 40 Something

Pearl's gone. 

My in-laws sold her (that after market stereo must really have been worth something - or maybe it was the gas). Here, I'll give some context as I share a Facebook story of mine from back in the day. I'll paraphrase myself here a bit to update:

Four and a half years ago the transmission on my 2014 Ford Fusion crapped out. We called her Trixie. She was something - I think she might've had multiple personality disorder: one minute you're starting her 7 minutes before you leave for Father's day at a reunion. Going to need that AC. The next minute she won't turn over as you sit at the gas pump having just paid for 14 gallons of premium sludge. 

So, yeah, that car died. And, my in-laws (god bless them) had a work car and were awesome enough to allow me to borrow that. The work car was a '99 Mazda with 300k+ miles with undulations that offered a rough massage - and I mean rough, even Roxy had to cradle them better. The in-laws lovingly called her Pearl (the Car, not the Sunny reference). They, not me. I didn't want her - again the car. I wanted the modern car with the modern luxuries, touch screen and Bluetooth that I could use to play tunes off the iPod. But, Pearl ran and was ultra reliable despite her advanced age and all the crack... er, cracks in the dash. The Ford, Found On Roadside Dead, wasn't going to get me anywhere.

That morning, I killed her (at least I thought). It wasn’t malicious. I didn’t mean to do it. But, as I was sitting in St. Louis rush hour traffic. She wasn't taking to it to well; she then stalled and died. I attempted to resuscitate her several times; I even whispered sweet nothings into the dash and offered to pay; but, she didn’t want to return to this life... just yet anyway (turns out she should be called Lazarus or some shiz). As I was sitting in the left hand lane on I-255 several motorists expressed their well wishes and offered sage advice. 

I heard several polite honks as well as: 

“Good going jackass,” 

“F—- you asshat,” 

Oh, and the ever-favorite, “buy American.” 

I did buy American, it was 4 years old and didn’t run, but thanks for the advice. I truly took it to heart. And, thanks to every motorists who honked at me, swerved at me, and showered me with curses as you whipped your car around me and that dying car. I was stranded, but I am sure I made your day worse. That was very inconsiderate of me, and I sincerely apologize, again. I'm sure it was a Happy Friday for everyone.

Oh, and I definitely found the advice to have merit... so, as soon as I could, I traded the Ford for a 2018 VW. *It was such a sound decision - /s*

I love a woman who’s cold as ice.

She wraps in blankets; she bundles in layers.

When it’s warm, she burns. Heeds no advice.

Misery seers through aloe and prayers.

She flies home in fancy flight.

Having before God and witness,

A glorious day of merry. She comes home a night

So dreary/ the snow so cold and fearless.

Thus is the story of the Happy Penguin.

She found her forever love,

A smelly, strong ever-lasting infection.

He came with baggage, sort of/

But, no matter the smell or festering rot,

She couldn’t wait to be Mrs. Stinkpot.